“Husbands of Career Women Mostly Sleep With their Housemaids”
Prof. Adepeju Omoteso while speaking with PUNCH, has stated the reasons for sexual escapades between the husbands of career women and housemaids.
She explained that when some women relinquish some of their matrimonial duties to a housemaid, it gets to a stage when the brain of the husband separates the personality of the individual (housemaid) from the individual (female).
If such a man does not rein in his sexual urges, he would start to see the housemaid as a ‘female’ who has all the characteristics of his wife and who can satisfy him equally like his wife and not like the young lady who is in the house for solely domestic duties.
“Sometimes, the husband sleeps with the housemaid even when she is very young. Women should bear this in mind and ensure that housemaids do not do everything in the home to the point of replacing them. I am also a very busy woman but that does not mean I allow my housemaids to go beyond their boundaries when it has to do with my duties in the home.”
Prof. Oni Fagbohungbe, a psychologist at the University of Lagos, explained that people need to understand that sex is a physiological need just like food.
He said, “Availability and compatibility are very important in a marriage. In a situation where the wife is a career woman and she loves her job more than the home, the need for sex will be triggered in the man especially if the stimuli is present in the housemaid. If the husband is not a strong-willed man or one with dignity, he would sleep with the house help when the wife is not around.
“The moment the thought surfaces in the mind of a man, two personality structures come in; the id will trigger it, pushing the man to go and do it, while the ego will come there and say, ‘You need sex? That is a lady, why not simply do it with her?’ The superego, which is gentle and cautious, comes in and says, ‘Don’t do this thing.
What if she gets pregnant or your wife comes in now?’ But if the id, which is the strong-willed, dominates the superego, the man goes ahead to commit the act.
“But we must realise that there are stakeholders in this type of situations. The wife is one while the husband is another. The househelp is also a stakeholder because she has an ambition. The househelp probably wants to be the madam of the house too.
“Some of them are from poor homes and are just looking for a break in life. They have ambition and they grab any opportunity that would assist them to fulfill that ambition.”
According to Prof. Fagbohungbe, there is need for husbands and wives to create time for their sexual duties.
He said problem always arises when men stomach sexual dissatisfaction but look for avenues to express their fantasies. On the other hand, he said women must desist from pretending about their sexual prowess because they do not want to be labelled as promiscuous.
“The right communication is important. There is nothing wrong in the husband telling his wife that he does not enjoy how she is doing it. Husband and wife need to discuss sex. It is part of their matrimonial responsibilities,” he said.